It's Just a Kid Thing..

I’ve often wondered why my daughter, Alexandra, would start acting up and demand my attention every time I am on the phone. She would be so deeply engrossed in a TV show or a computer game until I pick up the telephone. I am lucky if I am allowed five minutes to complete the call. At that moment, Alex, will use everything in her power to divert me from my intended call. The efforts may include being noisy, throwing objects on the floor or even running to the kitchen for a definitely “no-no” object. She knows when to make me jump.

I’ve always attributed these interruptions to Alex’s special-needs. A premature nervous system combined with sensory integration disorders and other medical needs must definitely be the culprit for these unexplained attention-grabbing behaviors. In my mind, I’ve rationalized the solution and thus avoided looking for a different explanation. I am blinded by the special needs and thus tend to forget that, deep down, my daughter; Alexandra is just like any other kid out there. A kid just exercising her authority and demanding mom’s full attention.

With all that in mind, I couldn’t help but smile as I listened to a radio shown a few evenings ago while driving home. The scenario that receipted during the show described exactly how my Alex would behave under similar circumstances. A listener on the show was phoning-in her request for a special song. Her small child could be heard in the background making all kinds of noise. The announcer inquired about the noise and explained that her own children exhibit similar behavior under these circumstances. She termed it as “Its Just a Kid Thing”.

I couldn’t help but smile at that moment. A cloud was finally lifted and I began to understand those concepts that have always been difficult for me to comprehend. I realized at that moment, that in spite of special-needs, a kid will always just be a kid ..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

The Silent Years..

One of the hardest things that a special mom has to face is the fact that her special child is not verbal. It is unfortunate that many special children do end up with no verbal skills. This may be due to neurological disorders, muscle weaknesses or other ailments that plague the special needs population. It is even harder when the causes are either un-known or not determined since this leaves no room for the “try-to-fix-it” plan of action.

Therefore, it is no surprise that this issue is one that I struggle with constantly. I worry about Alex’s needs being met in the outside world. The fact that I fully understand my daughter’s grunts, gestures and hand movements is not enough since it still doesn’t give her the tools she needs to allow others to fully understand her. It is a talking world out there. A world that is not forgiving to individuals struggling with the spoken word.

I cannot help but think about what the future will hold for my child. I pray constantly that I will always be there to protect her and interpret her needs to the outside world. I try not to think about the possibilities that someday she may have to fend for herself. I am almost tempted to produce an “Alex” only dictionary. One that can open the doors for others to understand her special signs.

In spite of her language deficit, Alexandra has struggled to learn a few simple words that she can verbalize. It is no doubt that the most important of them is “Ma Ma”. She has always been able to vocalize this word and says it proudly. This must be due to the special bond and love that her and I share that encourages her to say it so clearly.

She has recently surprised me with another form of a word that she has learned. A word that sounds like “..hpee”. She says this with a big smile on her face, as she looks my way. For anyone else, this may sound like baby talk, but for me, it is as clear as day. For only a special mom can interpret the meaning of this one. Only a special mom would know that her child is saying “happy”. Only a special mom would feel blessed and thank God that she has not failed in keeping her child happy….

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Letting Go...

As I watch my daughter, Alexandra, take the few steps that separate me from her teacher and walk independently away to school, I cannot help but be filled with pride and happiness at this accomplishment. It is a joyous moment when a child gains independent skills that are so crucial for daily survival. This triumphant feeling is manifested a thousand times more when the child is a special needs child.

It is always difficult for any mom to let go of her child. After all, this is the helpless creature that has been totally dependent on mom up to a certain moment in time. When a child has special needs, the “letting go” concept does not exist. It does not come as a natural progression with a child’s growth but is a skill that must be learned. A special mom must be taught this new idea and totally digest it before accepting its consequences. After all, this is the helpless creature that she had saved its life with Oxygen, rushed to the hospital on more than one too many occasion, fed by a tube and dedicated her entire existence for. With that in mind, it is almost impossible to completely “let go”.

This foreign endeavor finally came upon Alex and I recently. For the past four years, I have held her hand and walked her to the teacher daily. It never even occurred to me that, at some point, she would be ready to walk herself without my support. Thus the past few weeks have brought about a new dimension to Alex’s independence. They have shown me that she is capable of more than I, as a mom, can always see. They have taught me the meaning of letting go slowly as I cherish each new milestone that is celebrated in both of our lives.

As she made her way to her classmates and teacher this morning, she turned around, mid way across her path. She gave me the encouraging and mischievous grin that I associate with my child. I could almost hear her say: “I’ll be fine mommy”…

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

A League Of Our Own..

A few days ago, a beautiful mother’s day poem called “Before I became a Mom” appeared in my inbox. I loved the poem but as I read it, I realized that something was missing. It had no mention whatsoever, about special children. Therefore, it spoke nothing about “before becoming a special mom”.

I have been thinking about this for a few days and decided to write my own version of “before I became a special mom”. I want this to be a tribute to all the special moms raising special kids. You see, us special moms form a league of our own. The entire mother-child relationship is different in this league. We have experienced situations that no other mom even knew existed. We have shared and witnessed medical events that no other child should have had to go through. In spite of all this, we are still moms and our special kids celebrate us also.

Here is my version of the poem:

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never witnessed a child gasping for breath as they wait intubation
I had never seen a child’s hollow chest cavity after a lung collapse.

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never experienced feeding a child through a stomach tube
I have never been exposed to terms such as “Oxygen saturations, Accu-checks and blood gases”

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never realized that I would learn new technologies like how to operate an Oxygen regulator, an apnea monitor or a feeding pump.

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never been involved in disputes concerning Insurance coverage.
I had never spent my entire day researching medical answers or seeking dwindling services.

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never seen a child turning blue as their SATS drop below 60%
I had never held a child who was having an epileptic seizure.

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never been trained to be a nurse, therapist and a mother all at one time.
I had never acquired extensive medical knowledge that I could’ve done without.

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never attended an “IEP”
Or worried about my child’s care since she can’t tell me

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never known the meaning of loving a special child,
The love, the joy and heartaches associated with it are irreplaceable

Before I became a Special Mom
I had never realized how strong I truly am
I had never known the true me inside…

Happy Special Mom’s day ….

So to all you special moms out there, I admire and salute your courage and dedication. I am sure glad that we have this league of our own…

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Once Upon A Time..

Once upon a time, in the land of never-never

Where all things real are unreal

There lived a girl who believed

That all things could be possible

(THEME) ONCE UPON A TIME
Donna Summer

http://www.geocities.com/h_arevalo/onceupon16.html

Once upon a time, in a world so far away, a very special girl was born. This little girl was so loved and so wanted that her mommy and daddy did everything possible to bring her into this world. It took them eight years, but she was finally there in her mommy’s tummy waiting to grow into the special princess that her parents hoped she would be.

One day, six months later, something happened and the little girl had to be born almost fifteen weeks before she was supposed to. She came into this world a merely 12 ounces in weight and 8 inches in height and was termed as being: “no bigger than a stick of butter”. After she was born, her mommy was asked to name her so she named her Alexandra. It just seemed so appropriate to use the name Alexandra, which means “fighter”. Mommy wanted to give this baby her own identity and equip her with a strong name, so she did.

The next eight months were scary for everyone. All real things surrounding the family seemed unreal. The only thing that kept them going was prayer and faith. God took this family by the hand and blessed them with strength, patience and such intense love for this little girl that allowed them to go on and never give up. They knew perfectly well that God was taking care of everything. He had a plan and they just had to wait it out until the end. In God’s world, all things are possible. There was nothing else to do but surrender Alex into his loving care.

It was a joyous occasion when Alex was finally able to go home with her parents. For months, mommy and daddy would come visit but then had to leave without her. There was a slightly strong breeze in the air when she left that day and the sun was shining. Alex didn’t know what to make out of this new experience and wanted to shake the breeze away as she gulped air. It was a truly happy moment.

At last, the family was reunited at home. Alex made them complete, and they lived happily ever after.

It was on this day, ten years ago, that you were born Alex. We are so blessed that God brought you to this point. He was the one who helped you and us continue to believe that all things could be possible in an unreal world…

Happy Birthday, princess..
Love,
Mommy

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

WildTeach..

Every once in a while, a very special teacher walks into a child’s life leaving a huge impact that no other can compare to. Not all teachers are created equal, especially when it comes to teachers of special-needs kids. A special mom can spend an eternity searching for the right person for her child with no avail. It is truly a sad situation to think about, since the young growing years are the most crucial times in a child’s life. It is those important first years that create the learners, shape the behaviors and mold the futures for each and every child. It is during those years when a competent teacher is needed to pour the solid foundation and equip the special child with all the necessary tools to use for future survival.

We are thus blessed that my daughter, Alexandra, has finally experienced that special teacher in her life. We got the opportunity to meet “WildTeach” last year. I am not sure if it was pure luck or destiny that led her into Alex’s life but whatever it may have been, I am glad that it happened. Within one year, this teacher has succeeded in uncovering many of Alex’s potentials thus allowing her to reach goals that she wouldn’t have otherwise accomplished. She continually challenges Alex’s capabilities and prompts her to do more, praising her along the way for tasks well done. She creates a fun learning environment that my daughter looks forward to.

I cannot say enough about the joy that this teacher has brought into our lives. The care and support she shows her “kids” is immeasurable. The advocacy is beyond words. Not too many people nowadays advocate for special kids, but this one does.

We may be living in a temporary dream and one day we’ll wake up to the harsh reality of our everyday lives when “WildTeach” is gone. In the meantime, though, the dream is wonderful and I cherish every moment that Alex can utilize for learning and play. And if you are wondering and asking why we call her “WildTeach”: I’ll just have to look at you with a smile and say: “Keep asking….”

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

**P . **U . **S . **H**…

It’s very interested how addicted I’ve become to the forwarded emails that find their way into my inbox. I am not a true fan of junk mail, but I do take the time to scan each and every forwarded email, and nine out of ten I find such an uplifting message that helps me throughout my day.

Thus, I was very intrigued when I received an email with the subject heading of
**P . **U . **S . **H**. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what message this would be portraying until I opened up and found the following:

P-----pray
U----until
S----something
H----happens

The message went on to state:
“ When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need”.

Reading those words left a huge impact. They brought me back to the early days when my daughter, Alexandra, was born prematurely almost ten years ago. During those first few critical months I had nothing to hang on to but God and my faith. I found solace in prayer and the hospital chapel became my haven.

I came to know, only too well, what the power of prayer can do. I saw its strength manifesting daily in the NICU through my daughter’s and other premature baby’s lives. Even during the most critical moments in my daughter’s life, I continued to pray. I knew that, eventually, something would happen. However, in order to reach that rainbow at the end of our fearful tunnel, I had to learn how to be patient and realize that God always knows what the best time is to grant us what we need

It is without doubt that God gave me and my daughter the strength to survive those very difficult months. Therefore, I feel so blessed for He knew exactly what I needed then, and He knows what I need now. All I need to do is **P . **U . **S . **H**.

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Granny..

One of the most prominent gifts that my daughter, Alexandra, has given me is the chance to meet and befriend people whom I wouldn’t have otherwise come across. There is always a reason for everything and one of the reasons for Alex being here is to fill my life with her joy as well as the joy of a circle of friends I hold so dear to my heart.

One of the dearest friends I have met because of Alex, is someone I call “Granny”. This particular “Granny” is not my grandmother but just a dear friend. She came into our lives one day, nine years ago and succeeded in holding a special place in our hearts.
The bonds and memories we have created these past years truly amaze me. I don’t see how we can share similar interests and laugh at similar incidences when my “granny” friend is more than forty years older than me.

Aside from the fact that we shared similar knowledge about premature infants, “Granny” has truly showen us true love, frienship and sacrifice beyond words. She is always there to lend whatever help she can whether it being physical or supportive. I can never forget her immense help and contribution to the fund-raising garage sale I conducted for my daughter a few years ago. In spite of the fact that she was in her eighties and suffered a bad back, she was there every step of the way. She not only carried and priced sale items, but also encouraged her circle of friends to donate to a worthy cause and thus contributed to the success of this garage sale event. When asked "why?", she would reply "I want this child to have the medical care she needs." -this child - being my special-needs daughter, Alexandra.

This act of kindness is hard to find nowadays.

It is true that we meet so many people along our life’s path. I am just blessed that my path led me to “Granny”..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

A Special Dedication..

For the family I have, I am happy and blessed

And nothing more truthful have I ever confessed
Family has many meanings, but one rises above

The greatest meaning of family, is that of love

Glaedr the poet
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/to-me-what-family-is/

It is unbelievable that I have reached my one hundredth posting on this blog. It seems like only yesterday when my sister told me that I should start a blog and my reply was “What the h… is a blog?” I had no clue! I never realized I would enjoy writing to this extent. I guess I should have believed my dad when he predicted writing for my future (see posting 11-12-2007)

I honestly can’t say how this love affair with blogging started. I do know that the first tries were pure disasters as I practiced aimlessly with different platforms. The tries weren’t consistent; therefore the final product lacked so many things. It took about two months until I settled on something that I could produce proudly. My eyes shone at my first published words. It was like Christmas all over again!

I have been thinking for a few days about what I should write for my 100th posting. It had to be a very special article since it symbolizes a milestone in my journey towards future perfection. It dawned on me that this post would have to represent a special dedication to God and my family. Without the combination of the two, nothing in my life would have been possible today.

Above all, God is the ultimate healer. Throughout these years, he has definitely kept us in the palms of his hands and embraced us with such love that filled us with the strength we needed to go on.

I am blessed to be surrounded by my husband and child. As I recall the years gone by, I cannot help but hear friends asking my husband and I:”How are you able to keep going while taking care of a special child?” The answer comes naturally to us: “Alex is our normal. We haven’t known anything different. We are blessed with strong bonds that strengthen as the years go by.” It is those bonds that allow us to keep doing what we are doing.

Then comes our extended family. It is no doubt that their love and support all these years has succeeded in reducing the worries, concerns and sleepless nights that we have had to endure. It has been a true blessing to be able to call upon them at any time and they have never failed us in anyway.

Thus comes this special dedication. To all the people in my life, I am truly grateful for their love and help, and to God, I am truly humbled that He has chosen me to take care of His special little girl.

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Uncertainties..

There's never really been a time in my life that I haven't been led into the right path or given a sign that all will be well. Throughout all the difficulties and challenges that I faced during my daughter's seven months stay at the NICU after her birth, I still remained strong in my faith. Strong enough to the point of being able to identify all of God's signs for me and my daughter as we embarked on the most difficult of our journeys that was about to start.

However, as a human being and as a mom of a special child, I cannot help but be faced by uncertainties at various times. Usually, this occurs when I am about to make a decision regarding Alexandra's health care. I have always been a planner. I've always prepared lists and laid out the perfect path for everything that should take place in my life. I liked to know that I had made the right decisions in those aspects.

I experienced those uncertainties this past week as I tried to decide on a course of action regarding my daughter's health. It is a blessing that, during such times, I know that I can turn to my sister for help and support. I am very blessed by her presence and her way of putting things back into perspective for me. I needed reassurance and she was just the one to give it. She emailed me just the right article that I needed to help ease up my mind and allow me to feel better about the decisions I were about to make. I quote from this article this paragraph that I held dear:

"Knowing God's will can never remove the uncertainty--nor should it. The uncertainty is good for us because it keeps us trusting and praying, it keeps us from being overly self-confident.
When your heart is right and you are faced with two good choices, take either one you like. And trust God with the result. If the heart is willing, the decisions of life will take care of themselves because God will direct your steps exactly where he wants you to be."

As I read and reread the article I was filled with such calmness and serenity. A clamness that assured me that, in spite of all the uncertainties, God will lead me to make the right decision.
After all, it is ultimately God who will put together the pieces of my life just like they are meant to go...

For additional information about the above article, please visit: When You Have Two Good Choices.

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

God's Plan..

I’ve often wondered about what God’s plan might be for me. It is almost ten years since my daughter, Alexandra was delivered prematurely by emergency c-section due to my developing sudden preeclampsia. Never would I ever imagined or thought of preeclampsia when I became pregnant. After all, I was fairly healthy, never smoked or drank. I was working and progressing in my professional career, happily married and desperately wanting a baby. All of the above should have molded the perfect equation for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.

I’ve learned throughout these years that God has a different plan laid out for me. I may have lost a professional career but I have gained a stronger spiritual and emotional career that I will not trade. I have had the opportunity to meet and befriend special people that I would never have met if it weren’t for Alex. I have made bonds and friendships that will last a lifetime.

Above all, I have been entrusted with a beautiful and loving little girl that is a part of my heart. A daughter that is more than a special gift. A child that is here today because of God’s plan. Special needs or not, In God’s eyes and mine she is a perfect child.

Whatever His plan may be, I am certain that it will be a great one and I am lucky to be here waiting to receive its abundance!!

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Valentine Wishes..

The most precious valentine poem came in my in box today and I just had to share it with everyone. Happy valentine!!














©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

I Believe In Miracles..

As we walk along this long path called life, we often encounter situations that we either unconsciously bury in the back of our memories or deliberately avoid discussing due to certain traumas or hurt feelings that are associated with such an event.

It is by no means that I intend to ever forget my daughter’s premature birth or her long NICU hospital stay. At 26 weeks gestation, she arrived weighing barely 12 ounces and measuring only 8 inches in length. Her chances of survival were very slim. With all that still fresh in the back of my mind, I can’t help but be moved when I discuss the events that went on during those long first eight months of her life ten years ago. I can’t even explain or express the feelings that engulf me when I remember those lonely days and nights gone by. Those first few months are forever engrained in our lives. They shaped my daughter to become who she is today and for me to grow into the mom that I am today. Many a times, I had wished that things would have been different for her starting out. However, that was out of my control. The endless wait was unforgiving, and the longing for a homecoming was unbearable. I never would have wished such a traumatic birth and after-birth unto any mother or child. In spite of it all, we made the most out of the cards that we were dealt.

About three weeks after my daughter, Alex, was born, my sister approached me saying:”we must take pictures”. I questioned her request with a bewildered and puzzled look asking: “pictures of whom?” Her reply was simple:” Alex, of course!”. At that moment in time, pictures of the new baby were the furthest thing from my mind. As I looked into the four enclosed glass compartment that housed my tiny child, I wondered if my Alex would even appear in those pictures. It was a new concept that I had to digest.

I will forever be indebted to my sister for taking those pictures. As difficult and as hard as it was at the time, it had to be done. They remain as a symbol of the miracle that is my daughter and I hold them dear to my heart.

It is those same pictures that brought about the Déjà vu that I experienced this evening. I was sharing them with a friend in dance class. As a physician, she understood very well the complexity of the situation. She was at awe at those pictures and could not believe the story that I was telling her. I could barely believe it myself! It seems that it had happened to someone else and not us.

As she turned to me asking how we could’ve survived such a difficult past and reached to were we are today, I had no other explanation but to tell her that: ”I always believed in Miracles..”

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

A Special Request..

After publishing my previous post “When My Daughter Prays”, I received a request from a parent to post a child’s bedtime prayer. I am sharing the following two prayers that were found on a children’s prayer website as a response. I particularly liked the “Good Night, God” prayer since it is short and very suitable for very young children just learning their words. The website is called “Children Pray: Advent and Christmas” and lists many other prayers that parents can share with their children.
Here are the prayers:

Thank You, God

The sun so bright up in the sky.

The moon I see way, way up high!

The soft green grass, the plants, the trees

are special giftsGod made for me.

All the people that I love

are blessed by Jesus up above.

My neighbors, friends and family

are special gifts God gave to me.

What gift can I give you my God

in heaven up above?

The thing you want the most from me

is pure and simple...Love!

--Margaret Kennedy

Good Night, God

I love you, God,

with all my might.

Keep me safe

all through the night.

--Margaret Kennedy

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

When My Daughter Prays..

My faith has always played a very important part in my life. I had always dreamt that I would teach my children to pray; take them to church; get involved in bible studies and all the other normal mommy-child activities that develop as the children grow. I was never prepared for the premature birth of my daughter, her long hospital stay followed by years of medical visits and endless therapies. All these detours definitely put a halter on my original plans.

Needless to say, I remained strong in my faith. I believe that it pulled me through the challenges, disappointments and gave me hope. It allowed me to see a light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel called special-needs. As I travel through this journey, I realize that I must have something to hold on to and that something happens to be my faith.

In spite of the changes in my plans, I sought at an early age to teach my daughter to pray. Special-needs or not, she was to get to know God in as best a capacity as she can understand. I feel that her innocence and purity of spirit will allow her to become that much closer to God.

One of the most precious moments that we share is her bedtime prayer. It has taken years of repetition and hand on hand training to bring her to the point of imitating the sign of the cross. It warms my heart when she smacks her little palm against her forehead in her attempt to start her prayer. She knows then to put her fist to her chest as she continues until the final clasping of both her little hands to affirm her “Amen”. These few gestures that she does may be more than many normal people may know or even attempt to do. She smiles joyfully when I tell her that it is time to say “In The Name Of The Father”. I know deep down that she realizes what that means to both her and me. She senses the strength behind the words and the emotions that comes from years of praying for her safety and health. She may not be verbal but she sure knows how to pray!!

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

The Value Of Time..

As I searched frantically for material to post today, I came across a beautiful and heart-touching poem that was emailed to me recently. As I read the lines, I realized the importance of the message behind them. A message about setting priorities and recognizing what is most important in our lives. I wish to share the last verse of this poem, which goes like this:

Time Waits for no one
Treasure every moment you have
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.

-author unkown-

One of the most important lessons I have learned by having my daughter, Alexandra, is the value of time. I have learned to appreciate the small, big and in-between events because they are so special. I have learned to appreciate the good and the bad because they are part of our lives and are here to stay. All These moments are irreplaceable. They are gifts given to me by God to cherish, care for and enjoy.

When Alexandra was born prematurely, my husband and I didn’t know how long we would have her. We treasured every minute we were given with her. We valued every second that we spent by her isolate. We enjoyed touching her and performing what is called Kangaroo care for her. We had no idea that her time in the NICU will last eight months; we just visited daily and cherished our moments in the hopes of a better tomorrow. We prayed for the best for her and for whatever God planned for her tiny body.

I often come across friends who are wasting their time stressing over trivial issues. Issues that are allowed to plague the minds and poison any logic that may have existed. I tell everyone, please stop and think about what you are stressing over. In most cases, it is not so important that you can’t share good times with your family and friends. Embrace them and thank God for their safety and health.

Our journey with Alex is not over yet, but it has gotten much better than the beginning. we tell her that she is loved every chance we get. We share and overcome the good times and the challenges. We are blessed that she is still here and progressing well.

I Thank God daily for giving me the wisdom and patience to realize the value of his time..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

Angels Can Sing..

It is interesting how small incidents in our lives bring back a flood of memories of events gone by. Even though these memories may be buried deep down in our hearts and minds, they still succeed in becoming an integral part of our lives. As we walk through the rocky road called life, we encounter such events that leave a strong mark on our future. It is those events that create these strong unforgettable memories that become a part of us.

One of those memories of my daughter’s past came flooding to me this evening. As I left her bedside after bidding her ‘goodnight’ and thinking that she had fallen asleep, I heard a small angelic voice call out “mama, mama’ as she scrambled out of her bed to seek me out again. My heart just fluttered at the sound of her voice as I rushed back into the room and cuddled her back to sleep assuring her that “mama” is here and will not leave her side until she was asleep.

As I waited for her eyes to surrender to the slumber of sleep, I couldn’t help but recall the first time I heard my daughter’s voice. She was over a year old at the time. You see, when my daughter was born prematurely, she required to be put on a ventilator in order to survive. Due to the complexity of her birth and critical medical condition after the birth, she remained on this ventilator for over five months. The goal, at that time was to get her off the ventilator and stabilize her medically to enable her to someday come home. I never even cared about the long-term effect that the ventilator may have on her vocal cords. I just wanted to be able to hold my child and comfort her just like any other mother should.

Alexandra finally made it home at eight months of age. She arrived home on an Oxygen, tank, apnea monitor and a g-tube. We accepted and dealt with her “attachments” as our normal baby routine. Aside from smiling, she was very quite. I never thought that one-day, a few months later, I would hear a strange squeaking sound that I could not explain. A sound so small but yet so powerful. A sound so sweet that it resembled an angel singing. It suddenly dawned on me that it was my Alex’s voice. I had finally heard it.

It is a blessing that, Alex’s vocal cords had healed from the scar tissue left by the ventilator. Each time I hear her shout out “Mama’, I am yet amazed and grateful for every day and each progress that she has made. In spite of all the challenges, I thank God for letting me hear my angel sing..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

When A Child Cares Enough To..

A few months ago I had posted about the special friendship that my daughter, Alexandra, had found in a little girl we met at a local library.
See postings (08-30-07 and 09-27-07)

This special bond continues to blossom and progress into a dear relationship that I hope my daughter will have for a long time to come. It has been a great experience that has allowed Alex to blend right in and enjoy the normal child’s play that every child should have had growing up. In her situation, her special needs combined with the past years spent in medical clinics had deprived her of this childhood playtime.

As the holidays came to an end, I was thrilled to be able to reunite my daughter with her friend once more when we started our weekly library ritual last Thursday afternoon. It was great to see our friend but I was very surprised when I found her less 10” of hair. You see, my daughter’s friend had very long hair last year. It was a bigger surprised when I asked her why she cut it and she looked at me innocently and replied “to give it to the sick kids”. I felt tears swell in my eyes as I marveled at the care, love and selflessness that this one child has shown. I admired her family who had instilled such deep values in her to allow her to think about all the other suffering children out there who need help. I came to see why she adores my child and keeps her as a friend. I began to understand why she takes her by the hand, reads to her and enjoys her company.
I’ve always believed in guardian angles, and at that moment I felt that I had seen my daughter’s angel in front of me..

For more information about hair donations for sick children please visit the following sites:
Wigs for Kids and Locks of Love

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

The Reception..

Some moments in life are irreplaceable. They are, forever, treasured in our hearts and etched in our memory book. It is those moments that make everything worthwhile and help in eliminating challenges, if but for a moment or two. It is those moments that I experienced last night as I arrived back home past 8:00 p.m from a weekly class that I participate in. I had a hunch that my daughter Alex will still be waiting up for me in spite of spending a quality evening with her dad. There is just that special bond between a mom and a daughter that is hard to break. I know that I have that with my mom.

As I walked into our house, Alex turns towards the door with the widest smile shining her beautiful face. She scrambled to run over to me repeating “mama, mama”. She threw her arms around me as I cuddled her and showered her face with kisses. She held on to me as if I had been gone for days and not just an hour and a half. I held her as she settled down in her bed still firmly saying “mama, mama” to show me her joy at my arrival. Her happiness was sincere and her love is pure. I was the happiest mom in the world.

It is moments like those that I turn up to God and thank him again and again for all our blessings. Thank him for the miracle that is my child..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

The Secret to Happiness..

I have learned there is little I can do

in my life that will make me truly happy.

I must depend on God to make

me happy and to meet my needs.

When a need arises in my life,

I have to trust God to supply

according to HIS riches.

I have learned most of the time

I don't need half of what I think I do.

He has never let me down.

Since I learned that 'Secret,' I am happy.'

-author unkown-

I am often asked "Is she this happy always?" referring to my daughter, Alexandra. My reply is: "Yes, she is a happy child". This conversation constantly comes up even with strangers that we meet in the store or the park. It just occurred recently when we visited an assisted living facility during the Christmas holiday to bring cheer to the residents. Alex’s smile was contagious as she took the hearts of the seniors with her jovial personality and happy face.

As I reflect on that visit and many others where “Alex’s happiness” has been well noticed, I am filled with joy. I realize that, as a family, we must be doing something right to enable this child to be noticeably happy. In spite of the challenges that come with Alex’s special needs, we are still blessed with pure happiness. I believe that my faith has become much stronger since her birth. As difficult as it may seem sometimes, I’ve learned that it is ultimately up to God to supply all our needs. Things always seem to take a turn for the better and follow a course that I never accepted it would.

I see God’s miracles and wonder in my child’s happy face. I know that his Grace has provided this tiny girl with everything she needs and blessed our family with happiness above all else. I’m learning to leave everything up to him and stop mapping out my life…

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.

New Year Resolutions..

Happy New Year from our home to yours. This is my first posting for 2008 so I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone health, wealth and happiness for this upcoming year.

It has been a few weeks since my last substantial posting. No, I haven’t forgotten about my blog or my postings, I have just been rescheduling my priorities. As much as I have come to enjoy blogging and pouring out my true emotions, I felt that I needed to regroup and what better time to do that than during Christmas and especially when my daughter, Alex was out of school.

As I look back at the previous year, I see many aspects that need to be changed. I realize that life is too short and we need to enjoy and cherish every moment of it. Each moment that goes by does not return. I tried to focus on this as I made my New Year resolution for this upcoming year. It’s a tradition that must be accomplished so what better time to come up with this than when I am having a revelation. I concentrated on the true priorities in my life, which are my daughter Alex, and my family. They are my pillar of strength and my fountain of youth. Spending time with them is so precious that I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Setting the emotional stuff aside, I would still like to share the small joys of the past few weeks. They have been filled with tree trimming, holiday shopping and family gathering as well as the sniffles and colds that were shared liberally among our entire family. In spite of the sniffles, we managed to have a great time. Alex has come a long way since last Christmas and actually helped me with putting our tree together, as well as taking it down. She took this job very seriously as she piled each green branch on top of the other back in the box where they belonged to be packed away for next year. She enjoyed looking at the lights adorning the tree and even participated in some gift opening. She tolerated the entire holiday event much better and aside from one tumble, our tree survived the holiday season also.

School is back in session this morning. Overall, Alex tolerated going back ok. Things seem to be going back to normal. What a joyous time it has been..

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.