Letting Go...

As I watch my daughter, Alexandra, take the few steps that separate me from her teacher and walk independently away to school, I cannot help but be filled with pride and happiness at this accomplishment. It is a joyous moment when a child gains independent skills that are so crucial for daily survival. This triumphant feeling is manifested a thousand times more when the child is a special needs child.

It is always difficult for any mom to let go of her child. After all, this is the helpless creature that has been totally dependent on mom up to a certain moment in time. When a child has special needs, the “letting go” concept does not exist. It does not come as a natural progression with a child’s growth but is a skill that must be learned. A special mom must be taught this new idea and totally digest it before accepting its consequences. After all, this is the helpless creature that she had saved its life with Oxygen, rushed to the hospital on more than one too many occasion, fed by a tube and dedicated her entire existence for. With that in mind, it is almost impossible to completely “let go”.

This foreign endeavor finally came upon Alex and I recently. For the past four years, I have held her hand and walked her to the teacher daily. It never even occurred to me that, at some point, she would be ready to walk herself without my support. Thus the past few weeks have brought about a new dimension to Alex’s independence. They have shown me that she is capable of more than I, as a mom, can always see. They have taught me the meaning of letting go slowly as I cherish each new milestone that is celebrated in both of our lives.

As she made her way to her classmates and teacher this morning, she turned around, mid way across her path. She gave me the encouraging and mischievous grin that I associate with my child. I could almost hear her say: “I’ll be fine mommy”…

©Copyright 2008.Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved.