Butterfly Kisses..

It is this time of year again when I celebrate my daughter, Alexandra’s birthday. I had taken it upon myself to write a birthday post for Alex ever since she turned ten. In my books, that is the day that I truly started celebrating her life. That is the day that commenced the second ten years of Alex’s life which I call the more “stable years”.

For all of you who do not know Alex’s story, I can refresh by saying that Alex was born a micro preemie fourteen years ago due to preeclampsia complications that I suffered suddenly towards the end of my fifth month of pregnancy. Somehow, this was never medically caught on earlier in the trimesters and thus the necessity of the emergency c-section at twenty six weeks and the sudden birth of a tiny 12 ounce, 8” long baby who was to change my life as I knew it. A baby that was no bigger that a “stick of butter” as she was referred to at the NICU and no heavier than a “can of soda”. A baby that I could not hold for two months and could not bring home for eight.

The first ten years were somewhat of a blur. They were mainly the “survival” years. The focus, as you may gather, was mainly to help Alex survive. In the midst of hospital visits, therapies and late night emergency room admissions, both Alex and I were mainly going on what I may term now as “auto-pilot”. As she fought with every tiny cell of her body to survive, I really didn’t have time to concentrate on anything but counting calories, calculating fluid intake and output, checking oxygen levels, administering meds and basically becoming the nurse, therapist and medical personnel that I never wanted to be. Notice, I failed to even include “mom” in the previous list. All I really wanted to be was her “mom”.

The past is the past and I cannot change it. It is time to focus on the future and live for that instead. I am truly amazed and blessed when I see my daughter today. She will always have special needs; I’ve finally come to grips with that. I had once surrendered her in Jesus’ arms and I continue to do that every single day. If He chose for her to have special needs, so be it. We are blessed with those needs for that means that she is still here today and getting ready to celebrate her birthday. I shudder as I remember the first few years, and embrace what we have now for the outcome could have been so much graver. She taught me about life and how fragile it can be. She taught me strength like I never knew I had and patience that I thought I used to have. She taught me acceptance and unconditional love.

I love her for who she is. A tiny soul full of life. A soul, blessed by the Lord, for it is He, who gave her, and I the strength to survive what we have gone through. I am glad to hear people commenting to me that my daughter is happy for that tells me that I have not failed her in that avenue. I hear her laughter often. I see her dancing and singing to her favorite music. I hold her when she needs me and help her along the way. But most of all, in spite of her turning fourteen, I can still say that I am blessed to experience her “Butterfly Kisses” as she goes about her day..

Happy Fourteen Sweetie!

©Copyright 2012 .Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved