It is this time of year again when I celebrate my daughter, Alexandra’s birthday. I had taken it upon myself to write a birthday post for Alex ever since she turned ten. In my books, that is the day that I truly started celebrating her life. That is the day that commenced the second ten years of Alex’s life which I call the more “stable years”.
For all of you who do not know Alex’s story, I can refresh by saying that Alex was born a micro preemie fourteen years ago due to preeclampsia complications that I suffered suddenly towards the end of my fifth month of pregnancy. Somehow, this was never medically caught on earlier in the trimesters and thus the necessity of the emergency c-section at twenty six weeks and the sudden birth of a tiny 12 ounce, 8” long baby who was to change my life as I knew it. A baby that was no bigger that a “stick of butter” as she was referred to at the NICU and no heavier than a “can of soda”. A baby that I could not hold for two months and could not bring home for eight.
The first ten years were somewhat of a blur. They were mainly the “survival” years. The focus, as you may gather, was mainly to help Alex survive. In the midst of hospital visits, therapies and late night emergency room admissions, both Alex and I were mainly going on what I may term now as “auto-pilot”. As she fought with every tiny cell of her body to survive, I really didn’t have time to concentrate on anything but counting calories, calculating fluid intake and output, checking oxygen levels, administering meds and basically becoming the nurse, therapist and medical personnel that I never wanted to be. Notice, I failed to even include “mom” in the previous list. All I really wanted to be was her “mom”.
The past is the past and I cannot change it. It is time to focus on the future and live for that instead. I am truly amazed and blessed when I see my daughter today. She will always have special needs; I’ve finally come to grips with that. I had once surrendered her in Jesus’ arms and I continue to do that every single day. If He chose for her to have special needs, so be it. We are blessed with those needs for that means that she is still here today and getting ready to celebrate her birthday. I shudder as I remember the first few years, and embrace what we have now for the outcome could have been so much graver. She taught me about life and how fragile it can be. She taught me strength like I never knew I had and patience that I thought I used to have. She taught me acceptance and unconditional love.
I love her for who she is. A tiny soul full of life. A soul, blessed by the Lord, for it is He, who gave her, and I the strength to survive what we have gone through. I am glad to hear people commenting to me that my daughter is happy for that tells me that I have not failed her in that avenue. I hear her laughter often. I see her dancing and singing to her favorite music. I hold her when she needs me and help her along the way. But most of all, in spite of her turning fourteen, I can still say that I am blessed to experience her “Butterfly Kisses” as she goes about her day..
Happy Fourteen Sweetie!
©Copyright 2012 .Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Name Stamp..
A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to participate in my daughter’s transitional IEP. As a parent of a special needs child, one becomes familiar with an IEP or “Individualized Education Plan” meeting. This meeting becomes a natural part of the path we take as we raise our special needs children. It is usually held once a year during the school year with the parent being invited to attend for the goal of discussing the status of the child at school and mapping out future goals and objectives as each school year folds and unfolds.
During the past eleven years, I have attended numerous IEP’s that It has become kind of second nature to me. I am no longer intimidated by the process like I was years ago during the elementary school year. These meeting seem like they grew on me as the years went by and thus I went into this one expecting the usual discussion that normally had taken place in the past.
With that in mind, I was mildly surprised during the middle of this IEP when my daughter, Alexandra, was called in the room. I did not know what to expect from that since she has never been invited to one of those before. I was even more surprised to see her sitting so appropriately by my side around the large conference table and allowing the teacher to assist her in stamping her name on the IEP forms. I had failed to realize that, as per IEP regulations, a student transitioning into high school is given the opportunity to participate in their IEP and sign, or in our case, stamp, their name as an approval on the necessary documents discussed. She dutifully stamped her name underneath where I had originally signed for her.
As I watched her do this, I reflect upon the past yet once again. I see her as the tiny 12 oz baby that was delivered on an emergency basis almost fourteen years ago. I recall the glass box that housed her for eight months. I see the wires that wrapped her tiny body. I remember the first ten long years of hardships. Ten years filled with medical interventions, therapies, and illnesses. Ten long years of suffering for my child that I wish I could have erased or replaced by a much happier time.
This has been a memorable IEP; my daughter’s” transitional to high” school IEP. I never thought, in my wildest dreams, that I would come to witness this day. Even though the past seem as if it were a dream, it is truly a reality. A reality ingrained in our thoughts and lives. A reality chiseled in our hearts. A reality that brought about this beautiful child who is taking her responsibility so much to heart and stamping her name on documents that she trusts that I took care of for her.
As I see the name “ALEX” being stamped on one page after another, I dutifully promise my child that she can trust that I will always do the correct thing by her. I may not be able to erase or change the past, but I will always be there helping her along the way to a brighter future..
Copyright 2012 .Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved
During the past eleven years, I have attended numerous IEP’s that It has become kind of second nature to me. I am no longer intimidated by the process like I was years ago during the elementary school year. These meeting seem like they grew on me as the years went by and thus I went into this one expecting the usual discussion that normally had taken place in the past.
With that in mind, I was mildly surprised during the middle of this IEP when my daughter, Alexandra, was called in the room. I did not know what to expect from that since she has never been invited to one of those before. I was even more surprised to see her sitting so appropriately by my side around the large conference table and allowing the teacher to assist her in stamping her name on the IEP forms. I had failed to realize that, as per IEP regulations, a student transitioning into high school is given the opportunity to participate in their IEP and sign, or in our case, stamp, their name as an approval on the necessary documents discussed. She dutifully stamped her name underneath where I had originally signed for her.
As I watched her do this, I reflect upon the past yet once again. I see her as the tiny 12 oz baby that was delivered on an emergency basis almost fourteen years ago. I recall the glass box that housed her for eight months. I see the wires that wrapped her tiny body. I remember the first ten long years of hardships. Ten years filled with medical interventions, therapies, and illnesses. Ten long years of suffering for my child that I wish I could have erased or replaced by a much happier time.
This has been a memorable IEP; my daughter’s” transitional to high” school IEP. I never thought, in my wildest dreams, that I would come to witness this day. Even though the past seem as if it were a dream, it is truly a reality. A reality ingrained in our thoughts and lives. A reality chiseled in our hearts. A reality that brought about this beautiful child who is taking her responsibility so much to heart and stamping her name on documents that she trusts that I took care of for her.
As I see the name “ALEX” being stamped on one page after another, I dutifully promise my child that she can trust that I will always do the correct thing by her. I may not be able to erase or change the past, but I will always be there helping her along the way to a brighter future..
Copyright 2012 .Najwa S. Hirn. All rights reserved
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